What Is a Gray Divorce?

A “gray divorce” is a divorce of middle-aged and older adults following a long marriage. While the overall American divorce rate has been declining, longer life expectancy has led to higher divorce rates among married people over the age of 50. We’re in the midst of a gray divorce revolution.

Compared to couples separating after only a few years together, divorces between older couples encounter many unique challenges. These married couples often face complex questions about their estates, retirement funds, and adult children. The divorce process is never easy, particularly if it is a late-life divorce. If you’re contemplating ending a long-term marriage, speak with an experienced local divorce lawyer who can help you through this process.

Unique Features of a Gray Divorce

There may be several differences between divorces in younger and older age groups. The average duration of a marriage that ends in divorce in the U.S. is about eight years. A marriage brings many changes in the first few years. These changes can involve:

• Moving to a new area
• Taking on a new job
• Having children

As the years go by, stress involving money, work, and parenting can take its toll on a marital relationship. Other issues, like marital conflict, infidelity, substance abuse, or domestic abuse, can all make these stressors worse.

Older couples may have already gone through the first couple of decades of marriage, raised children, achieved financial security, and saved for their retirement plans. They may have even had a first marriage that already ended through divorce or death.

When the children are out of the house and grandchildren visit less often, empty nest syndrome can set in. This can bring a significant change for the stay-at-home spouse. The company may begin to phase out the role of the career spouse approaching retirement, taking away a large part of that spouse’s identity.

Significant Issues in a Gray Divorce

In any divorce, when the couple cannot agree on the divorce settlement, a court resolves the issues in the divorce proceedings. The most common issues to be determined when younger couples divorce include:

• Distribution of property
• Child custody and visitation
• Child support
• Alimony (spousal support)

In contrast, the most significant factors in a later divorce include the following:

• Changes to estate planning documents
• Spousal support
• Property division
• Health insurance coverage post-divorce
• Updating Medicare and Social Security benefits

The gray divorce phenomenon comes with a different set of issues of primary concern for the older demographic compared to those divorcing early or in middle age.

More Assets After a Longer Marriage

When younger people get divorced, they may not have much in the way of significant marital assets. There could be mortgage or credit card debt to contend with. However, older couples are more likely to have achieved financial independence. Couples ending a long-term marriage could have amassed multiple properties, vehicles, jewelry and collectibles, savings, investments, and even business assets.

Distribution of Assets

Whether a young couple divorces or the divorce involves Baby Boomers, the division of assets depends on state law. Whether the couple lives in a community property state or an equitable division state will impact the distribution of assets.

Most states divide property through equitable distribution. In an equitable distribution state, the court will attempt to divide the property fairly, not necessarily 50-50. Factors in allocation may include the following:

• Age
• Economic resources of each spouse
• Marital duration
• Standard of living
• Contributions to the marriage

In community property states, the property and debts acquired by the married couple during the marriage are considered property of the marriage. These assets can be divided equally. Any property each spouse had before the marriage remains their separate property.

Retirement Benefits in a Divorce

Older couples may have significant retirement savings. These savings may include:

• Pension plans
• IRAs
• 401(k)s
• Other retirement accounts

Retirement assets may require a qualified domestic relations order (QDRO) in a divorce. Retirement savings are subject to ERISA laws, and a plan administrator may not be able to divide the plan participant’s funds without a QDRO. If you have questions about retirement accounts being divided in a divorce, talk to your experienced divorce attorney.

Spousal Maintenance or Support

Spousal maintenance, alimony, or spousal support may also be an issue. After decades of a certain standard of living, each spouse may expect to maintain a similar lifestyle after divorce. However, one spouse may have had a limited income because they were the primary caregiver.

It can be difficult for older adults to find a job to support them. Depending on your state, alimony can be awarded to either spouse for a set period until remarriage or circumstances change.

Emotional Considerations for Older Couples

Middle-aged and older adults may have decades of experience in cooperation and collaboration. Older divorcees may also have adult children and grandchildren in common. This can bring continued involvement in each other’s lives after the divorce. For these reasons, many couples try to avoid contentious separations and remain mindful of the emotional considerations of a divorce.

When, despite their best efforts, couples have difficulty reaching agreements, there are several options. Like mediation, a collaborative divorce is an alternative to the standard adversarial approach to divorce. The divorcing couple may be in the best position to decide how to settle their dispute. A divorce mediator helps them focus on the central issues. Collaborative divorces may be less expensive, take less time, and allow the couple to remain on good terms after separation.

Successfully Navigating a Gray Divorce

The best way to ensure you navigate a gray divorce successfully is to get assistance from a family law attorney with divorce experience. It is best to consult a legal expert in divorce law about your situation as early as possible. If you are wondering what your options may be in getting a divorce after decades of marriage, find an experienced local divorce attorney near you to discuss your case.