How To Be an Effective Co-Parent

After a breakup, most of us never want to see our exes again. But if you share children with your ex-partner, this is not an option. You’ll not only have to see each other; you’ll have to work together to raise your children. This article will provide helpful tips for doing just that.

Hopefully, these co-parenting tips will help you and your co-parent navigate your new relationship. But if issues arise with custody or visitation, you may need legal help. Speak to a family law attorney with custody experience to get the best advice for your situation.

What Is Co-Parenting?

Studies show that children of divorce do well as long as their parents remain involved in their lives. Co-parenting describes two parents collaborating to raise their children after their relationship ends.

The foundation of any successful co-parenting relationship is a parenting plan. The co-parenting plan should include a clear visitation schedule where the child will spend weekends, holidays, birthdays, and other important dates.

Tips for Being an Effective Co-Parent

Co-parenting can be challenging, but it is possible to do it well. Here are five things you can do to create a solid co-parenting relationship with your ex.

Tip #1: Protect Your Children From Your Emotions

You may feel a range of emotions while going through a split, but your children don’t need to know about them.

Children love both of their parents. If your children think you’re upset with their other parent, they might feel like they should be too. This can be bad for a child’s emotional well-being.

Be aware of what your children see and hear. Don’t let your children see you arguing with or overhear you venting about your ex. Be mindful of your body language and non-verbal cues when discussing the other parent.

Tip #2: Avoid Emotional Conversations With Your Co-Parent

Leave emotion out of your discussions with your other co-parent. It’s understandable to be angry about the circumstances that led to your split. But rehashing events will create unnecessary tension, taking your focus away from your children. Think of your ex as a co-worker or business partner. If you wouldn’t say it in a communication to a co-worker, don’t say it to your ex.

Tip #3: Respect Your Co-Parent’s Time With Your Child

Honor your child’s need for their other parent by sticking to the guidelines and schedules set out in your parenting agreement.

Always drop off and pick up your child on time. If you’re running late, let your ex know ASAP. Avoid scheduling events during your ex’s parenting time. If a scheduling conflict is unavoidable, let your ex know promptly and offer them another date.

Tip #4: Communicate Effectively

Effective communication is the heart of a positive co-parenting relationship. This includes talking about big changes like a potential move or a new partner. You must also share information about the little things like if a baby’s been fussy, a child had a bad day at school, or a teen is going through a breakup. This will make transitioning between homes easier for your children.

You and your co-parent must find a communication method that works for both of you. Texting works, and there are also several apps dedicated to co-parenting. But if you discuss something in person or over the phone, follow up in writing so you won’t have to rely on your memory.

Tip #5: Create a United Front

Children need stability. As such, children should follow similar schedules and similar rules in each parent’s home.

You and your ex will have different parenting styles, so don’t worry about making things 100% identical. It’s OK if one parent says bedtime is 8:30 and the other parent says it’s 8:45. But if bedtime is 8:30 at one home and 11:30 at the other, the children may resent the stricter parent. The stricter parent may feel disrespected. Following similar rules in both households will avoid these issues.

You and your ex should support each other on discipline issues. Cheerfully attending your children’s school events and extracurricular activities together will also show your children that you are a team.

What if My Co-Parent Won’t Cooperate?

Sometimes, one parent is committed to co-parenting, but the other is not. If things aren’t working, you have a few options.

First, consider therapy. A family therapist can help you, your ex-partner, and your children deal with the emotions created by the split. The therapist can also help you and your ex learn conflict resolution tactics and communication skills to develop a healthy co-parenting relationship.

If your ex still won’t comply, you can try mediation or go to court. If you have a custody order, you can file a motion for contempt that asks the court to look at why your ex is not complying.

Get Legal Help With Co-Parenting

Hopefully, the tips in this article will help you become a better co-parent. But if your co-parent is withholding visits, bad-mouthing you to the children, or doing other things that violate court orders or interfere with your parental rights, you may need professional help.

To get help with custody, visitation, and other family law issues, use the LawInfo directory to find a family law attorney near you.